I think deciding what you are is the hardest part - happy, sad, angry, excited.
You have a sensation, your stomach drops or your heart races, your eyes widen or they begin to tear up, and suddenly you are out of control of your bodily state. As humans we are wired to understand the world as cause and effect. But what happens when this sensation comes out of nowhere, when we are blindsided by a physiological reaction with no apparent cause? Every day we encounter millions of stimuli and we process them, both consciously and unconsciously. There have been more days than not that I have experienced an unlinked sensation, no cause therefore no apparent cure, the pictured day being one . . .
I walked the entire boardwalk.
At first my mind scurried as I tried to attach my generalized dismay to a person or event or feeling, this got me nowhere.
The biggest thing I have learned this year was proven to me then in this moment:
Life is forever changing, there will be good days and there will be bad ones.
With so many of these changes I will feel things, unexplainable and almost incomprehensible things and I will strive to understand why, I will try to find the root of any and every sensation so I can fix it. With inevitable and continuous change though, much of the time there is no concrete chain of events that brings me to experience certain sensations or emotions, and so if I am unable to discern the cause, how will I ever fix the discomfort of the experience?
I stopped walking and stared at the cityscape cradled by the sunset and realized:
Rather than trying to fix it, trying to patch up the pains of change and uncertainty with a band aide and a smile, I will learn how to manage it, how to be open to change and accept the impermanence of life.
In doing that I will stop searching for a cause to pin my experiences to and instead recognize that any sensation I feel is my own, and in relying on my self and recognizing my competencies, I regain control of myself in the midst of this worldly turbulence.
So I challenge you . . .
Stop trying slow the rate or eliminate the presence of change, stop trying to find cause for your feelings in an attempt to fix your self. Instead, take a minute and breathe, look at the bigger picture - it is you, your experiences, your sensations, and the world. You are in charge of what happens when those aspects meet. Embrace the good days, because in knowing change you know these days won't last forever. And push past the bad days because you recognize that inevitable change is the light at the end of the tunnel, bringing silver linings of impermanence and uncertainty every day. Whether destructive or beautiful, change is the only fact of life, so stop trying to fix it, and instead harness the power within yourself to embrace it.
Δ∞