As I see more relationships, friendships and romantic, unravel, I am seeing the autonomy of mankind played out in a drama perceived as maleficent and cold hearted. I'm asking you to take a step back though, stop trying to decipher why she feels the way she feels, stop trying to combat her feelings and prove to her that she is wrong, that she still loves you and that there is something left to fight for. Instead, listen to her feelings - respect and accept them as her own. Recognize that her thoughts and emotions are driven from sources inside of herself and it is her responsibility as a human being to be honest with herself in her expression of these things.
When we have a feeling that opposes a previous one, and when we express that feeling to you, do not think we are being hurtful, do not think we are being cruel, and do not think we are being selfish liars. Change is a constant and inevitable factor of life, therefore changes in emotions and in turn, relationships, are expected.
We intend to treat every person we encounter with love, dignity, and appreciation and we do so through our interactions and relatedness to each other, so why then, when it is another person's feeling we are talking about, do we fall short of this love, dignity, and appreciation? Why are we so caught up in the supposed selfish, cold hearted nature of the act that we can't have enough respect to say "okay, if that is how you feel, then okay".
I get that we invest in each other, and I know that with closeness comes vulnerability, and with vulnerability comes dependence and trust, but I think rather than tossing our whole heart into another person, as a partner or as a friend, we should invest more of our self in our personal role in the relationship while alleviating some of that pressure off the opposite person.
Allow your partners, your friends, even your parents, to maintain their autonomy in the relationship you foster with them. Allow them to have their own feelings, free from combativeness and criticism. Allow them to express these feelings to you in a nonjudgmental fashion.
Remember that it is not your job to tell a person how to feel, it is not your job to tell a person if their emotion is right or wrong, it is not your job to degrade a person through judgment and critiquing of their decisions. It is your job to listen, to remain accepting and appreciative of both the person and his or her feeling. Most importantly, it is your job to assert autonomy - that of yourself and others.
Do not feel guilty for letting go.
Do not promote her feeling guilty for letting go.
The fact that we have this ability, to be choiceful and autonomous, is what makes us human - respect that.