Faith

I thought for a long time that if I didn't have consistency in my life then I didn't have stability. As life unravels in front of me and inconsistency is the reigning theme, I'm realizing that I have more stability than ever...

Every day we wake up and the sky is dark. We go through our day and above us, clouds are constantly moving, the sun peaks in and out, and the rain will start and stop in no particular pattern. And then the sun sets, and on nights like tonight, a beautiful sunset emerges. And it's never the same sunset - the colors are always dispersed in a different pattern and the intensity of the scene changes from minute to minute. And then, it goes dark again. The sky is the definition of inconsistent. It is constantly changing, and these changes can sometimes be complete surprises, but this lack of consistency in the superficial aspects of the sky does not degrade its stability. No matter where you are, the horizon exists, and it is the place of stability where all of this inconsistency grows from. Life is constantly changing, day to day, minute to minute, but this inconsistency does not equal instability.

Faith - in people, in myself, and in God, serves as my horizon of stability.

No matter how many times I feel hurt by others, let down, or misunderstood, I must still have faith in the goodness of people. I must recognize that there will always be days that I just need to "tap out" of life, take a break from it all, and be with myself. Recognizing my humanity and having the courage to confront emotion in an honest way and admit to a feeling does not mean I am weak, and in these times I must maintain faith in myself, that I can withstand the circumstances I am faced with and move forward. And then there are the days that I hate Him. I might scream at Him, ask Him why he did this, and tell Him how much I hate Him. It's hard to have faith in Him on these days. How am I supposed to trust that He knows what He is doing, that He has this "grand plan", and that this is all happening by His design? I'm not sure that question has an answer, but I've come to learn that by maintaining my faith in Him maintains my values, my sanity, and my peace of mind.

So yes, just like the sky, everything above the horizon of life is constantly changing and these changes exude this feeling of inconsistency. This inconsistency though is natural and it is a fact of life.

In order to maintain myself during this continuous process of change I need to stop trying to make it stop, I need to stop fighting the inevitability of change, that just leaves me with feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction, because I will never win. Instead I must harness the stability in my life.

I must remember that all people are good, that I am stronger and more able than I think, and that no matter how alone I feel, He is beside me every single day, and for some reason, one I may never know, He has etched this path for me, and I must have faith in His power to lead me to where I am supposed to be.