Enrichment

“He saved me, in every way a woman can be saved.”

Rose Dawson, Titanic

My entire life I have been so mad at Rose for not moving over on the door floating in the middle of the ocean. Jack could have fit next to her, they would have kept each other warm and safe, and the boat would have rescued them both and they would have set sail on a journey of eternal happiness and love. When I watched it tonight though, I saw things differently. Rather than getting caught up in what could have been, rather than getting angry with Rose and sad for Jack, I saw their relationship not as a noun, but as a verb.

Jack found Rose in her weakest moment –

Entangled in a society she despised, about to marry a self centered, manipulative, and demanding coward, and terribly unhappy with her feelings of no control.

Rose caught the attention of Jack in his state of limbo –

Jack hopped on a cruise ship after winning the ticket just minutes earlier, nothing to his name but his farfetched dreams and a sketchpad.

Their relationship blossomed with little intimate intention but rather, curiosity about the other. Their exchanges weren’t aimed or definable, instead every encounter was enlightening, transcending, and a challenge to the personality of the other. And their love wasn't by the book. I don't believe either was looking for a “someone” anymore. I’m not mad at Rose for not moving over anymore, and although they would have been an incredible team, I’m not paralyzed in thought by the fact that Jack died. I don't think Jack and Rose came together to fall in love. Both people were struggling, in completely opposite forms and driven by very distinct and different circumstances, but nonetheless struggling, and upon finding each other, both lives were enriched.

Jack was to Rose what jewelry is to a woman –

He reminded her how beautiful she is and she was able to look in the mirror and know what she deserved; he gave her a sense of self worth that no one has ever given her before. He showed her that she is not just another member of a certain class, that she is not definable by her entourage. He gave her the confidence to be her own person and she used this confidence instilled within her through her relationship with Jack to assert herself and regain her voice. With Jack, Rose was free – free from expectations, obligations, and fears – and in that freedom she found peace she has never experienced before.

And Rose was to Jack what a map is to a traveler –

She gave him a direction. Rose’s existence challenged Jack to invest in himself, to find a direction for himself and his passions. She gave him a purpose – to get better, to be vulnerable, and to be stationary and be okay with this state. Rose reminded Jack of his capacities through the dynamic development of their relationship. Her love for Jack proved to him that he has the capacity to make a difference in her life, the lives of other people, and most importantly, his own.

And so, no – I don't believe Jack and Rose were meant to get married, and have children, and grow old together. I think the two were meant to meet in their most vulnerable, confusing, and unstable moments of life. I believe that the relationship wasn't meant to bring physical love, but instead, emotional love. Jack and Rose can’t be defined in a word, their relationship can’t be labeled with a miniscule noun, and that's the point – it isn’t about what they were, or weren’t – it is about what they did for each other. Jack picked Rose up in her time of desperation and instilled hope and companionship with her, and Rose picked Jack up in his time of uncertainty, a time when he lacked direction, purpose, and self worth. The two showed each other what it means to genuinely care for another person. They challenged each other by sharing their lives and experiences together, and in turn gave each other the confidence to see beyond the boxes created by society.

As humans we have a tendency to focus on the result - of an action, of a process, of a relationship. But what about all of those relationships, romantic or not, that don't exactly come to fruition? Those relationships that ignite a spark within you, one that is meaningful and that opens your mind to different perspectives, opportunities, and versions of love, but in time becomes diminished and fades out? I've often looked at these relationships as "a loss" - I've been angry because I feel like I've been led down a dead end - but these "relationship lites" are not dead ends by any means...

We all know those people – you lit the match but not the candle. Rather than focusing on what was lost in that encounter, focus on the glimmer of light you saw when you lit that match. People come in and out of life, maybe by design, maybe by luck, but whatever the driving force, I’d like to believe that there is a reason we encounter the people we do. Maybe it is to show us what it feels like to be wanted, to instill a sense of confidence within us we never thought imaginable, or to challenge us to see beyond our limited perspectives. Whatever the reason, these lit matches engage with us in such a human way that every single boundary comes down and we are floating in a sea of vulnerability – we’re not scared though – I’m not scared though, because instead of being terrified at the uncertainty of it all and worrying about how it might turn out, worried if the match will actually make its way over to light the candle, I’ve chosen to focus on the impact of that lit match itself, and that has left me feeling effortlessly tranquil and transcended.