Arrogance.

I realized something within these past couple of months - the world isn't all about me.

Now, bear with me here...I know this might seem like a given to most of you, but when your'e a college kid who has lived by your own rules for so long, you have been building YOUR life to YOUR design, focusing only on what you want and expect from yourself, and picking and choosing the relationships that give you some sort of satisfaction, then this struggle makes perfect sense. Don't get me wrong, there is a degree to which we all must be a little selfish, the times when the decisions I make are crucial to my future and present livelihood, but I think I may have overestimated the frequency of these occurrences.

I've learned within these past few months, that sharing is at the core of life. I've heard this word since I was tiny, and as a kid it has always been something I dreaded, because nobody wants to let another person into their world, no one wants to hand over their barbie to their little sister, or take turns riding the two-wheeler with their cousin, sharing just wasn't a "thing". The other half of the sharing struggle - sharing means vulnerability, to share, either physically or emotionally, means putting myself in a place of less control and stability, my sister may have a temper tantrum and cut the hair off my barbie, and my cousin may be a terrible driver and scuff up my new Huffy - outcomes and feelings around these outcomes are no longer in my control.

Now I'm 22, and barbies and bikes have taken the back burner to thoughts, emotions, and experiences of growth. Life was always good - the FoXXXXy 4 has done me well since elementary school, I outgrew my shy stage in 7th grade, and made a pretty solid mark in high school - I really couldn't complain. When things are breezy like that, its easy to have compassion and care for other people to the extent that you understand humanity as a noun.

And then sometimes things go bad, bad being defined in the largest scope, and instead of seeing the sunshine and rainbows that accompany humanity, rain, thunder, and lightening make their way in. I'm not saying that rain, thunder, and lightening are bad - these things are real, the anger, frustration, and sadness we feel during bad time are some of the most raw and real emotions we may ever experience, and it is these emotions that have reminded me that the world indeed is not all about me.

I can be concerned about my future, my reputation as a person, and my livelihood, but not to the extend that I am living in a cloud of arrogance and self-worship. I am not too good for any person, any job, any emotion, and no person's experience is any less than that which I experience myself.

I think I knew this all along, but never received the push I needed to really internalize it and live by it. Getting wrapped up in myself, admiring the superficial aspects of my own humanity, has allowed me to escape this fear of sharing and avoid the vulnerability it brings. Alongside that vulnerability though is the feeling of connectedness, one of the most powerful and unique feelings Ive ever experienced. When I have allowed myself to understand that I am not the center, then to acknowledge that I am not perfect, admit to myself my faults, worries, and struggles, and then share these with people who actually care about me because they value this humility, I have created some of the most enhanced and significant connections I could have ever dreamed of.

And so no, the world isn't all about me - there are so many other people in it, so many other people who feel the same joy, excitement, and values, as well as the same struggles and defeats as I do. If I am able to let go of the wall of arrogance I have built to ward off the feelings of vulnerability and lack of control, then I have the opportunity to ACTUALLY grow and become a better, more grounded and human version of myself.