"When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe"

I guess He knows when I need to be reeled back in, when I've lost just a little too much of my reality...

I talk so much about being aware and accepting where I am in life in the moment that I sometimes get caught in that singular experience and forget the surrounding circumstance. Yes, make the most of every day and live with an open mind and heart, but don't be selfish about it - don't become so entangled in seizing the now that you forget the people and the situations that helped get you here.

I'm starting to see these two levels of life:

1. The Now: The exact moment of me sitting around a lunch table with my friends laughing and thinking "life is great!"

2. The Circumstantial: This constant overarching upper level where the circumstances of my life linger and pool.

These circumstances may bring turmoil and suffering, or they may just be persistently present, but whatever the case, this is the level I am trying to get away from when I engage with the "now", lower level.

That's okay for a time - it's moved me past fear, sadness, and anxiety from that upper level. But if I stay here for too long, if I become so consumed by this "now" level I begin to lose touch with those reality.

It's funny because in specific cultures we’re told that to escape from suffering we should become non-attached, uncommitted, neither loving nor hating. But, if I can't sit in my car and scream about how much I hate a situation, if I can't admit to myself how much I'm hurting and understand that life isn't perfect, and that's okay, then how will I ever work through an experience? If I become completely non-attached with no polarity toward an experience it’s almost like I’m neglecting my feelings – they fly by with a simple acknowledgement at most, but nothing further.

I used to think reality is rooted in the present moment, and to an extend it is. But when I've stripped life to its core, when I wake up with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I realize:

Reality is the exact thing I am trying to avoid - it is that upper circumstantial level.

The present is a beautiful thing - it is the place of opportunity and growth and livelihood, it is a place free of suffering and pain if you want it to be. Engage in it, with it, and with every person and place in it. Tread with caution though - don't allow yourself to forget the imperfect circumstances in your life, don't close your eyes to it and forget, or become immune. With forgetting comes detachment, and with detachment comes a lack of empathy and cold heartedness, and that's not you.

“When I was drowning, that’s when I could finally breathe”

Taylor Swift

It’s okay to drown, it’s okay to feel pain, to be discontent, to be anxious and fearful. Don't encapsulate your mind in fluff to avoid the brutal realities of life – instead, confront them, scream and cry about them, and come out a healthier, more grounded “you”.