So, I'm on a TRAIN right now...

I’m on a train right now . . . What?

Anyone who knows me knows that I am absolutely terrified to do things outside my comfort zone. It’s ironic though, because the idea of going outside of my comfort zone is one I used to resonate with but the actual action itself always held too much anxiety and fear of the unknown.

You don't know how many people within the past 4 years have tried to convince me that trains are totally safe, that it's the best way to travel, and that I would be fine. I don't think those persuasive voices though, new or old, are the reason that I’m on this train. I think it’s my perception of the world, and of uncertainty.

First, let’s think about perception:

I often analyze the way I view the world and try to gain insight from this analysis. But I think it goes deeper than that. I look at the world through a lens, and I analyze my view, but what about that lens?

Each of us has a different lens, a different perception, based on individual differences, experiences, and foundational thoughts.

I viewed trains as dangerous. I tried to change that view by listening to people telling me otherwise, but I still never got on a train. Then I looked at my lens – I asked myself why I believed trains were dangerous? Because my parents say they are, because I’ve focused on the negative and fatal stories associated with train rides, because I’m simply afraid of any potential dangerous happenings, because train rides are uncertain – anything could happen, and I’m out of control of the outcome, putting me in a position where I need to trust other individuals, the system itself, and essentially the world around me.

So I got to the root of my fear – my perceptions regarding trains, the lens that I view the action of riding a train through, was biased based on inherited thought, cognitive exposure, and most importantly, the fear of uncertainty.

Now let’s think about uncertainty:

When I don't know the particular outcome of a situation, or I lack control of that particular outcome, I become anxious, hesitant, worried, and fearful.

Life is a series of reciprocal relationships, between other people, my surroundings, and me. Each entity has free will – the capacity to make singular decisions.

And so, in a way, the free will of each entity is what drives the processes of the world. And this free will, because it is rooted in the autonomy of the organism, is totally uncertain. Uncertainty then, reins the world.

With this understanding, how can I allow uncertainty to be a fear of mine that alters my perception of people and experiences? Uncertainty is built into the world, it is the mother of change. And change is constant and inevitable, because no singular feeling, thought, or person is "set in stone". The free will of the people around me, the world I'm living in, and myself individually eliminates any guarantees or “knowns” in life.

I’ve changed my lens now; I’ve changed my perception. I shifted from a focus on the anxiety, worry, and lack of control surrounding uncertainty, and started to understand, and find joy in the fact that “I can’t say where the next bend might be, that is the beauty of life’s mystery” - Zac Brown Band, Like Tomorrow Never Comes.